


Giving Back

by TonySawicki



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Romance, balance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 16:04:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11444301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TonySawicki/pseuds/TonySawicki
Summary: Kyo's all about giving, but sometimes it's nice to let someone else give him something, too. Kaoru knows just how to ground him when he's feeling disoriented and exhausted from touring.





	Giving Back

**Author's Note:**

> What's this, more Kk? How unexpected!  
> This one's for tumblr user [penyunne](http://www.penyunne.tumblr.com) because they're lovely and always in need of more Kk. Based on an anon's headcanon on the subject of Kaoru kissing Kyo's scars. I hope you enjoy it~!

Kyo enjoyed giving to others. While the art and music he made, he made for himself just as much, he wholeheartedly enjoyed sharing it with other people, knowing that it was touching them in some way. No matter how much content he created, he never felt like it was enough, and it weighed on him heavily, this knowledge that he _could_ be doing more, making more.

However Kyo’s love of giving was not limited to what he could create. It was this way in many aspects of his life. He gave his time to so many different projects that he scarcely had any left to himself; he gave assistance to anyone who came to him, whether they needed guidance, advice, or just someone to listen; his kouhai could all vouch that he gave of himself more than they had ever expected when they initially met him, from his wisdom to material gifts, and he always did so with a smile. With lovers, Kyo got more pleasure giving than receiving, and countless times went without his own needs met, never complaining in the least as long as he could satisfy his partner—

Except with Kaoru. With Kaoru, things were different. Kaoru hadn’t let him get away with it, not once, always going out of his way to see to it that Kyo got as much as he gave with him, and while Kyo wasn’t exactly accustomed to the attention, it made him feel… safe. Made him feel special and cared for, and sometimes it was honestly just what he needed.

This was something he unabashedly looked forward to when they got to the hotel after the live and it was settled without any fuss that he and Kaoru would be rooming together.

Being on tour, whether they were abroad or just traveling around Japan was almost unbearably stressful for Kyo. He supposed it must be a stressful thing for anyone, but he always felt like he was shoved off-balance, and then expected to live like that for weeks at a time, and he wasn’t always stellar at keeping it together. Overseas tours were worse, of course, when he felt so out of his element and culture shock really did hit hard, but even in his home country, between being hounded by fans lurking outside venues before and after shows and being crowded into vans and buses with the rest of the band as they moved from place to place, Kyo didn’t bother trying to hide his relief at the prospect of spending a night alone in a hotel room with just Kaoru.

Kyo let out a sigh as the door closed behind him and basked for a few seconds in not having to be “on” in front of anyone for the time being before he came fully into the room and dropped his duffel bag on the dresser. Kaoru was already there sitting on one of the room’s two beds, looking at something on his phone, and didn’t glance up until Kyo sat down on the bed opposite him. Then he smiled, and it was that incredibly soft and honest smile that always made Kyo feel like there was nothing he could have done to earn having such a thing directed at him.

“Hey,” Kaoru said. He closed things up on his phone and dropped it onto the bed. “Feel okay?”

Kyo took a second to think it over before nodding. He felt good, really, just drained. Touring left him so _tired._ It was a tragedy because, having a hotel room tonight, he and Kaoru could actually _enjoy_ their time together away from the rest of the band, but Kyo didn’t think he had the energy for anything too exerting. He didn’t want to tell Kaoru that though, didn’t want to disappoint him—even if he knew Kaoru would never express any kind of disappointment over it. That was the whole point, wasn’t it? Kaoru was the one person Kyo never felt an expectation to _give_ everything to.

Even with something like rooming with his other bandmates, Kyo would end up politely offering first choice of beds, or he’d let them have first shower if they wanted; Kaoru made things easy. He gave things back to Kyo, and, understanding how hard it was for Kyo _ask_ for things, Kaoru took it upon himself to know what it was that Kyo needed without his having to voice it.

“I’m just tired,” Kyo said after what he was sure was far too long a pause.

Kaoru smiled again, the sincerity in it almost overwhelming. “I am, too. It was a good live tonight; I didn’t feel like it went on too long.”

Kyo shrugged. Much as he loved being up onstage, the plummet his mood took once the adrenaline wore off was real, and he didn’t always like discussing shows once they were over. At that point, there was nothing he could do to change his performance or anyone’s enjoyment of it, so picking on the details of it was usually only self-destructive. 

“Let’s get ready for bed, then. Do you want to shower?” Kaoru said.

“No, go ahead. I showered at the venue,” Kyo waved him off towards the bathroom and stood up, his back popping as he did so.

Kaoru took Kyo’s hand, pulled him in, and kissed his lips once, lightly, before grabbing up his toiletries and heading to the bathroom. “I’ll be out in ten.”

Kyo smiled then, ducking his head as he heard the bathroom door click shut. He moved back to his duffel bag to start sorting out things he’d need to get ready for bed, the soft sense memory of Kaoru’s lips on his still lingering.

Kyo pulled out his sleep pants and changed into them, then took out his toiletries and a change of clothes for tomorrow, and crammed the clothes he’d taken off back into his bag to be dealt with when they had access to laundry. He listened to the shower running, strained to hear if Kaoru was humming to himself in there as Kyo knew he had the occasional tendency to do. Kaoru hadn’t invited Kyo to shower with him. If he had, Kyo would have accepted, of course. He never got tired of showering with Kaoru, but, while he knew that with previous lovers he might have read into the lack of offer some passive-aggressive form of punishment, with Kaoru it was just a subtle acknowledgment that they were both tired and not seeking each other’s company in that particular manner, and that was all right. 

That’s how things tended to be with Kaoru: subtle, because they already knew how to read each other well enough that not everything needed to be stated explicitly. Kaoru didn’t always have the words, and neither did Kyo, but they still understood each other’s needs better than Kyo had with anyone else.

He took the initiative to grab Kaoru’s pajamas from the bag he’d left on the bed and went to knock on the bathroom door just as he heard the water shutting off.

“Mind if I come in and brush my teeth?” Kyo called.

“Go ahead,” Kaoru’s voice answered. “It shouldn’t be locked.”

Kyo opened the door and smiled through the steam at Kaoru towel-drying his hair. He wordlessly set Kaoru’s change of clothes down on the edge of the sink so he could reach them easily and went about brushing his teeth and washing up for bed.

There was an easy silence between them as they shared the small bathroom space with their individual tasks. As Kyo finished spitting into the sink and was returning his toothbrush to its travel case he became aware that Kaoru was watching him.

He looked over his shoulder to where Kaoru was standing, leaning against the wall, dressed now in his pajamas. “What?” Kyo said, always a bit nervous when Kaoru was staring at him with that piercing calm.

Kaoru shook his head. “Nothing. Just you’re gorgeous, as always.”

Kyo huffed out a small sound, turning to face Kaoru properly. “I’m not, actually; I’m all tired and disgusting from being on tour.”

“Never,” Kaoru said in a soft but firm voice, and he took the couple steps necessary to get his arms around Kyo’s middle. He pressed a slow kiss to Kyo’s forehead, another to his eyebrow, and then tugged lightly at Kyo’s hand to get him to follow him back into the main part of the room.

Kaoru turned down the covers on the bed that didn’t currently have his stuff sprawled across it, but instead of climbing into it, Kyo walked around to wrap himself around Kaoru, trying to ensure that he would be getting into bed with him. Kaoru grinned at Kyo before leaning to kiss his neck and across his collarbone, down to his chest.

Kyo drew in a quiet breath as Kaoru’s lips moved gently over old scars at a practiced, deliberate pace. “Kao…” Kyo could feel his cheeks heating up from the attention as Kaoru moved lower, that same resonant calm that was so characteristic of him bringing him to kiss his way along each and every scar lining the skin below Kyo’s pecs. Kyo buried a hand in Kaoru’s hair, squirming slightly. He didn’t want him to _stop_ , but he always got so flustered when Kaoru did this, and it had happened he didn’t know _how_ many times before. He was always so careful about it, making a point to give attention to each and every scar, and he knew them all.

Kyo was trying so hard not to breathe, to be still just so that he wouldn’t push Kaoru _away_ , that when Kaoru’s tongue appeared briefly, sliding across a patch of more prominent scars, all of Kyo’s breath rushed out at once and he stumbled backwards onto the bed.

Kaoru seemed like he had been prepared for such an event with how quickly he followed, climbing easily on top of Kyo and moving his mouth down the inside of Kyo’s arm now, elbow to wrist, as if healing some hurt that was hidden away under layers of ink and disguised by newer, intricately designed patterns. 

Kyo shivered under him, trying to ignore just how deeply he knew he was blushing, trying to just accept the love and adoration that was being so willingly given to him.

Slowly, gradually, Kyo relaxed into it. It was like a (reasonably atypical) massage, and he felt the stress and tension he carried every tour dripping from his body as Kaoru kissed him relentlessly, lips (which were seriously softer than they had any right to be) traveling knowingly across every inch of scarred skin, and moving back to meet Kyo’s own lips in-between.

By the time Kaoru seemed satisfied with the affection he had rained down on Kyo’s body, Kyo was practically ready to drop off to sleep, a lazy smile on his face. Kaoru nudged him gently so they could both get into bed and curl up against each other.

Kaoru didn’t switch off the light right away, but Kyo closed his eyes as he drew him closer. The word _perfection_ was bouncing around unbidden in Kyo’s head, and as he became aware of it, he wasn’t sure to what specifically the thought was referring. Their relationship? Kaoru himself? Perhaps just everything about this moment and the relief that they were able to share something like this, even in the midst of a tour that threatened to crack Kyo like an egg just from the stress of the everyday.

Kyo’s eyes were closed and he was well on the road to actual unconsciousness when Kaoru flailed suddenly and let out some loud curses as he nearly threw himself out of the bed.

“What happened—what-wha?” Kyo sat bolt upright, blinking around, and finally spotted the relatively small spider crawling vaguely across the blanket that had been spread over Kaoru a moment ago.

Kaoru gestured to it, still catching his breath. “It was—fucking _on_ me!”

Kyo’s lips twitched as he tried to keep from laughing at Kaoru and how rapidly his usual calm had deteriorated over something so small. It was nice to know though that there were still _some_ things he could provide for Kaoru, even when Kaoru provided so much for him. “Here, hand me that memo pad,” Kyo said, pointing to the nightstand.

Kaoru picked up the pad of paper and tossed it to Kyo, though he stayed pressed up against the other bed and far away from the spider as it made its way closer to Kyo.

Kyo scooped up the spider on the notepad and climbed off the bed, his free hand hovering to keep the spider from falling off. “Get the door?” He nodded towards the sliding door that led to the hotel room’s tiny balcony, and Kaoru scrambled to get it unlocked and open for him.

“What if it comes back inside?” Kaoru said, peering around the door as Kyo stepped outside and released the spider into the night.

“I don’t think it will,” Kyo said, glancing back over at him, still fighting off a smile.

“We should probably complain about this hotel,” Kaoru said. “What kind of place is this, where spiders are just roaming freely in the beds.” He stood back to let Kyo inside and then shut and locked the door quickly. “It was _in the bed_ , Kyo!”

“And now it’s outside,” Kyo reminded him. He left the memo pad on the dresser and came back to Kaoru, looping his arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss him. “So now _we_ can get back into bed, yes?”

Kaoru looked at him for a long moment before smiling. “You’re good to me.”

“I just don’t mind spiders,” Kyo said with a shrug. He didn’t bother with arguing that Kaoru was the one who was good to him and he could never hope to keep up with him. He knew it would end up a circular conversation as it always did. He got back into bed and waited for Kaoru to join him so he could pull the covers up around them. “Now mosquitos on the other hand…”

Kaoru snorted as he turned the light off. “No, I remember about you and mosquitos.”

“Mosquitos kill,” Kyo said.

“Spiders kill, too!”

“Spiders kill tiny bugs that we don’t want in the room anyway,” Kyo argued. “Spiders kill _mosquitos_.”

“There are some types of spiders—” Kaoru cut off as Kyo tapped him on the nose, giving him a _Don’t even_ look, and he laughed. “Fine, mosquitos are much worse. Happy now?”

“Mm, disgustingly so,” Kyo said and he kissed Kaoru’s cheek once before nestling down against him, his forehead pressed to to Kaoru’s shoulder. He wasn’t holding back his smile anymore as he thought about the balance that Kaoru brought to his life and how whole he felt, knowing he was there beside him. It didn’t take long at all for Kyo to fall asleep, all tucked up against Kaoru’s warmth, the sense he brought of safety and contentment enveloping him and following him into his dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all, I don't know at all if Kaoru would really be freaked out by a spider crawling on him, but just. Shhhh.


End file.
